So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
