Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
