You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
