I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
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Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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