I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
