she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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