After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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