rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Text me some of your sweat
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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