Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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