He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
