You're so nebulous sometimes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
