toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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