our cab driver is having phone sex.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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