I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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