Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
