i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
