I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
