break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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