My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
this hospital has no fireball
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
