Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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