somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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