So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was confusing and full of hummus
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
