Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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