I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
