i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
