just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
