two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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