I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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