and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
