If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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