if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
