pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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