i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
