suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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