and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
