so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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