Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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