so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
