so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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