Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
