I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
