The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
