Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
