I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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