so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
