bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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