Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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