you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He better not be in your backpack
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
