My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
