Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
