I just pynch a tree in the face
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
