Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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