I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize