Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
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