also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
