My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Randomize
