I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
