I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
