I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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