the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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