Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
