I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
