the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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