I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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