She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
