New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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