Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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