You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
