just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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