Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
