batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
