i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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