hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
