I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
