You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
