i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
