just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
