I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
