kristin has been a bad kristin
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
