She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
