We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
