i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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