STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
