I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
