There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
