If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
